It’s that time of the year when worthy stories are far and few between, but being of intrepid spirit and stout of heart I began trawling the Internet and discovered on the excellent new Bell & Ross website (www.bellross.com) not only their exciting and much talked-about BR-01 Instrument, but also a Forum where Internautes or Websurfers can ask questions, talk about the latest timepieces or even write about their experiences. One such person, Andrew Littlefield, wrote under the title ‘Airport Adventures with the BR 01 Instrument’ the following:
“Yesterday I picked up a BR 01 from Seltar in Los Angeles, and obviously I decided that I needed to start wearing it immediately. Unfortunately my first stop was LAX airport and as soon as I stepped into the airport it became readily apparent that it was going to be one of those trips. Security lines trailed out of the terminal and I was more than a little stressed about missing my flight. So after 45 minutes standing in line I finally get to security with ten minutes to spare before my flight.
I take off my shoes, remove notebook and head for the metal detector, and of course I set it off. I remove my belt, take out my wallet, ignore the ever-growing line of impatient commuters behind me and go through again, and of course again I trigger the metal detector.
Then it finally dawns on me what the problem was, the massive (well at least in watch terms) lump of metal I had on my wrist, but I'm now into secondary screening, where we finally ascertain that it was in fact my watch setting off the detector after a reasonably thorough pad down.
Then the security guy starts to quiz me about why my watch was so big and did it contain anything... I tried to explain that it was ‘just big’ and that it was a style thing, but they still insisted on dusting the watch for explosive residue (at least I assume that's what they where doing), and finally let me go on my way with only 5 minutes before my flight. One mad dash later I just make it as they're closing the gate ... metal detectors aside, it's a great watch, really good workmanship, cool design, and it's definitely a conversation starter ...”
Of course the answer is to take off your watch and place it with your mobile ‘phone and coins into the little tray they give you prior to passing through the detector ... but even then, things aren’t always as simple as that. Just a few days after reading this story I was on my way to Guernsey with my youngest daughter for a long weekend (for those of you who read the previous Freely Speaking, it was a private trip and I had to pay the fares!) when we got held up at the airport security check in Gatwick directly behind a kilt-wearing Scotsman.
They had him down to his bare feet, with the decorative pin, belt and sporran off – that’s the hairy pouch that is worn dangling at the front of the kilt which is used to carry money and small objects, and not, as many people believe, a protection for the family jewels - yet something was still triggering the alarm. Being in a little bit of a rush myself and recalling Mr Littlefield’s problem I suggested they take off his watch, which was, for those of you who care about such things, a massive Japanese digital watch with more controls than a grounded space shuttle - but it made no difference, that buzzer kept buzzing.
The security man then asked what he had under his kilt. At this point I cracked up laughing as I thought about the infamous young lady and the Scotsman joke (if you don’t know the story, drop me an E-mail and I’ll tell you!). When he refused to divulge these intimate details, two uniformed heavies whisked him off whilst he went through the vast catalogue of Celtic designer expletives created especially for belligerent Sassenachs.
As luck would have it we met up again as we waited to board the same flight. We exchanged a nod and a smile and from what I could decipher from his throaty brogue he was on his way to some sort of tribal summit at a local sainted Guernsey farmhouse.
As we entered the ‘plane, I asked him how the ‘under-the-kilt’ security screening went. He laughed, but brought tears to my eyes as he informed me that he’d set the alarm off because he was the proud owner of a body piercing … in the scrotum. With an “Och aye” he dashed off to the back of the plane whilst from under his swaying kilt I’m positive I could hear the Bluebells of Scotland rhythmically reverberating.
Have a great summer and keep cool … comme un écossais!


Source: August -September 2005 Issue

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