Like most of us nowadays, my e-mail in-box gets bombarded with offers for inexpensive pills to cure ailments such as incontinence, lethargy, in-growing toenails, malfunction of George, my reproductive organ, and a multitude of offers from unknown conmen who offer to split 20 million dollars with me because some defunct African family member left a hoard of diamonds in a bank’s safe or cash in a numbered account somewhere.
Jokes, on the other hand, are the busy man’s staple e-mail diet. Some are worth a smile, others a guffaw, then there are those that are excruciatingly funny and have to be passed on to friends and business acquaintances. In that category, I particularly like the Zimmertime one shown here, but then I always did have a warped sense of humour.
Then there are the ones that ask you think about a certain subject such as ‘Did you ever wonder about those people who spend 5 dollars for a little bottle of Evian water? Spelling Evian backwards gives NAIVE’. Or how about ‘ If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea...does that mean that one person in five enjoys it?’
Here’s a good one … ‘If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?’ And this one will make you think … ‘Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car is not called a racist?’
For those that care there’s ‘Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?’ And for the do-gooders in the world – ‘If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?’
Be that as it may, I have encountered numerous language problems in my travels especially with my old friend the acu-puncturist U. Hueng Loe. But one of the funniest telephone conversations that I’ve read in a long time is a supposedly authentic exchange between a hotel guest and Room Service at a hotel in Asia that was recorded. Try reading it out loud – it’s called Room Service or 'Tenjewberrymuds'.
Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”
Guest (G): “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”
RS: “Rye…Roon sirbees...morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteenı”
G: “Uh…yes...I'd like some bacon and eggs.”
RS: “Ow July den?”
G: “What?”
RS: “Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?”
G: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.”
RS: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”
G: “Crisp will be fine.”
RS: “Hokay. An sahn toes?”
G: “What?”
RS: “An toes. July sahn toes?”
G: “I don't think so.”
RS: “No? Judo wan sahn toes?”
G: “I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.”
RS: “Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.
Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: “We bodder?”
G: “No...just put the bodder on the side.”
RS: “Wad?”
G: “I mean butter...just put it on the side!”
RS: “Copy?”
G: “Excuse me?”
RS: “Copy...tea...meel?”
G: “Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.”
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we
bodder on sigh and copy....ryeı"
G: “Whatever you say.”
RS: “Tenjewberrymuds.”
G: "You're very welcome.”

Now if that hasn’t brightened your day … I’ll have U. Hueng Loe give you a call ‘cos he don spee too wey owso.


Source: October - November 2005 Issue

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